How to Cope with the Post Wedding Blues

It's been two weeks since we said "I do" and we are both feeling the post wedding blues. We no longer spend our evenings reworking the seating chart, practicing our vows, or hosting wedding crafting parties. Our lives are back to "normal". And by normal, I mean I'm writing this blog beside my husband who is playing a PS4 game where you hunt monsters. I think it's called Witchers? I have no idea. 

Each night our dinnertime conversation inevitability turns to the wedding, and we reminisce about the party, the speeches and the planning. One of us usually ends the convo with the wish that we could relive the best night of our lives one more time. 

Sure, we are basking in our love and marital bliss, buuuuuut, life post wedding is a serious come down. We spent over a year planning this event and then suddenly it's just... over. It's done. We're officially part of the married world. When I talk about post wedding blues with my married friends most of them can relate. In fact, some of them who spent a pretty penny on their weddings recall feeling disappointed THE DAY OF their wedding. We're told that this is supposed to be the best day of our lives, and for most of us it is, but what happens next? There's so much buildup to the event, and nothing to guide you into 'happily ever after'.

Well, nothing to guide you until now. Below you'll find my Guide To Surviving The Post Wedding Blues™.  

POST WEDDING HONEYMOON

There are definitely pros and cons to having your honeymoon right after your wedding, but Peter and I ultimately chose to postpone our honeymoon to early 2017. For one thing, both of our vacation days reset in January, which meant we could take as much time off as we needed for the wedding AND honeymoon. 

Postponing the honeymoon has also given us something to look forward to and plan. That being said, we were advised by friends to book our flights pre-wedding to make sure we actually took a vacation. I'm glad we did. 

As the title of this blog suggests, I'm a lady on a budget. Given our frugal nature I could see future Vanessa saying, "Do we really want to spend money on a vacation?" Yes. Yes we do. And so do you. 

CONSPIRE WAYS TO DEFLECT THE 'ARE YOU HAVING KIDS NOW?' QUESTION

"You pregnant yet?" 

I've been asked that question non-stop since we exchanged our 'I dos'. Usually the answer is a bashful "No!" but I should really change it to, "None of your damn business." 

Hey, in the past I've also been guilty of asking that question too. While well intentioned, I don't think people realize just how difficult it is for some women to get knocked up. I certainly wasn't aware until friends started opening up about their miscarriages and fertility issues. 

The question is especially gut wrenching for women that have been trying to get pregnant for years with no success. I've stopped asking any pregnancy related question because really, it's none of my damn business either. It also pains me to think that in an attempt to ask a lighthearted and fun question, I might've brought up painful miscarriage memories or fertility issues. 

If "none of your damn business" doesn't work for you, try one of these other lines, or come up with your own! It's as much fun as coming up with a wedding hashtag. 

- Babies? I'm more into cyborgs. We'll all need one in the post-Trump era 

- We wanted to give the whole parenthood thing a dry run with my Tamagotchi. It's similar to parenting, right? 

- No soft cheese, fish, or booze make Vanessa go something something. 

- We are waiting till Trump is out of the oval office to consummate our marriage 

WEDDING DRESS PARTY

This one comes courtesy of my friend Paula. When she first got hitched, anytime I'd go over to her place she'd wear her wedding dress. In her words, she wanted to wear it enough to get her money's worth. Hey, if you're not trading your dress on Bunz, why the heck not? 

Now that a few of us have said our 'I dos' we could throw a pretty epic wedding gown party complete with cake and all of our fave wedding tunes. 

LOL @ WEDDING CARDS

Laughter's the best medicine, right? Why not LOL at some of the funnier cards you've received? Here are some of the cards we received that made us smile. 

*The Awesome card came with a temporary tattoo. We have yet to wear it. 

POST WEDDING DATE DAY

Miss seeing your partner all dressed up? Plan a date where you both put on some fancy clothes and do fancy things. A few days after we got hitched Peter and I went to the museum, out for dinner and then to go see a play. It was fun to have the day to ourselves and feel classy. We enjoyed it so much we decided to make it a yearly tradition. 

PAT YOURSELF ON THE BACK

You must be pretty awesome for another human being to commit spending the rest of their life with you! Enjoy their company and take it all in - even if it means watching them play PS4 on a Sunday afternoon. 

Just Married!

Just one of the many incredible photo booth pics courtesy of Tim Wadleigh  www.timwadleigh.com 

We did it! 

After a year and a half engagement, we are finally husband and wife. We spent the last week basking in our newlywedom (not a real word but I'm using it anyway). Over the past few days people have said to us, "Does it feel any different? You two already lived together." 

To be perfectly honest, it does feel different. It feels more permanent. More secure. Like we really are family.

So! Enough with that gushy stuff. How'd the big day go? A recap is below. 

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7:30 a.m. 

There was no need for me to be up that early... it just happened. Well, my nerves made it happen. I made coffee and attempted to eat something. The attempt proved futile. I promised myself I would eat later (no one wants to be white girl wasted at their own wedding) and started cleaning the house.

Our ceremony wasn't until 5 p.m., which meant I had ALL DAY to dwell on whether I would trip while walking down the aisle. Luckily, the cleaning helped ease my mind, and before I knew it my ride (my sister and her boyfriend) arrived to take me to Fantasy Farm. It was about 10:15 a.m. The plan was to decorate the venue and get ready. In what felt like the blink of an eye, the hair and makeup process started and we were off. 

I'll touch on this in another post wedding blog entry, but my bridesmaids were instrumental in making sure everything on the day of ran smoothly. Each was in charge of a wedding element (putting out the grandparent wedding photos, watching the envelope box) and they all did a fantastic job. I didn't have to think about anything - it was all taken care of. All I had to think about was not falling during my aisle walk. Great. 

Peter and I took our photos before the ceremony (something I would recommend) which ate up a couple of hours. Tim, our photographer, did a great job of making us feel at ease. It definitely helped that he is an old colleague from my days at MTV Canada. Tim suggested we take 15 minutes with one another before the ceremony to decompress and bask in the day. It was great advice. We held each other and really took it in - we were getting married in LESS THAN AN HOUR. 

The time between my embrace with Peter to the actual ceremony is a blur. I vaguely recall talking to the officiant, Rita Harrison, who explained the ceremony process once more. I remember consciously avoiding my Dad - he also gets nervous and watching him deal with nerves makes me MORE anxious. I recall our wedding venue consultant, Brian, suggesting we start the ceremony a tad early as all of our guests had arrived. 

Before I knew it I was linking arms with my parents and holding back tears while my friend, Vanessa Wynn-Williams, serenaded the crowd with her rendition of "Sea of Love". Out of all the experiences of that night, I found walking down the aisle to be the most surreal. I've watched a lot of brides walk the walk, but never really thought that one day that would be me. I looked around the room and realized that everyone that we love was there, ready to watch us make the biggest commitment of our lives. It was absolutely overwhelming. 

Our ceremony was beautiful. Rita did a fabulous job, and our family and friends who performed readings knocked 'em out of the park. We said our "I dos" and signed the paperwork. I've touched on my bad penmanship before, but my signature on our wedding license really takes the cake. My hands were shaking, and I could barely hold the pen. My apologies to the bureaucrat who has to authentic that. 

After the ceremony Peter and I quickly embraced and a wave of euphoria took over. It was done! We did it! We walked around the room, greeting our guests. I couldn't stop smiling - I must've looked like a deranged Cheshire cat. We took a few more family photos and dinner started.

Instead of the standard glass clink to get us to kiss, we had a wheel (pictures coming). Guests were encouraged to tempt fate and give the ol' wheel a spin. Sometimes it would land on kiss and we would happily oblige. Other times it landed on "Story" and the poor soul who spun was required to tell a story about the bride and groom. There was also a toast and dance option. I loved having the wheel - it was an interactive and fun way to incorporate our guests into the dinner portion of the night. And for those Bunz members out there - stay tuned, because we are ready to trade that puppy. 

At 8 p.m. I was pretty proud of myself. I managed to hold back my tears and keep my makeup intact. All of that went out the window during my Dad's speech. Just logistically speaking, he had his entire 15 minute long toast MEMORIZED. Do you know how long that that would take?!? That in itself was impressive. 

His words are what really struck me, though. He weaved a tale of the life lessons that I had taught him over the years. What really unleashed the water works was when he apologized for not allowing me to spend the night at the hotel during prom. He said that he realized at that point he had to stop being my father and start to become my friend. Cue the tears! 

After my Dad's emotional rollercoaster of a speech, it was time for Peter and I to say our thanks. Sucker punched by my emotions, I started to go off script. I thought I did a great job, until immediately after our first dance. I realized that I forgot to thank someone who has been a key figure in my childhood, and an instrumental part of my life over the past 20 years - I forgot to thank my best friend and bridesmaid, Carly.

In going off script, I skipped the paragraph I had written about her, and my heart sank. I asked the DJ to cut the music and went back on the mic to make an impromptu toast. Missing that paragraph during our thank-you's will go down as one of my biggest mistakes of not just the wedding, but my life. Carly, you are an incredible friend and did so much to help make sure our wedding day was absolutely perfect. AND you did it with two young children! You're an incredible human being, and I love you so much.

Carly, being the awesome friend that she is, said she understood my awful gaff and encouraged me to go back out onto the dance floor and enjoy the night. I did, and we had an amazing time dancing until the wee hours of the morning. 

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It's been a week since the big day and I'm in our basement, sitting beside my new husband. Life is pretty great - we both feel pretty lucky. What's left to do blog wise? Reveal my final budget, of course. I'll also share some wedding day tips, and what I've learned throughout this entire process. But those things can wait... I'm just enjoying sitting beside my husband and just....being.